When I told people I was going to walk across America, many said, "Wow, just saying it takes courage." Others said, "You can't do it." But weighing 181 kilograms, with a heavy backpack on my back, I've already walked 489 kilometers.
I'm already a father of two, but obesity has been tormenting me. To lose weight, I decided to set off from San Diego and walk across the entire United States, with New York as my destination. Actually, weight loss isn't my only goal; I have a vague feeling that this journey is destined to change my life.
I wasn't always overweight. When I was young, I served in the Navy fleet, once a handsome man with many friends, living happily every day in California.
But at the age of 25, a car accident changed everything. Two passengers got off the bus at an intersection, and I didn't see them... I spent 10 days in jail for vehicular manslaughter. Since then, I've been trapped in deep self-blame, unable to face the families of the victims. As time passed, my guilt only grew stronger, and long-term depression caused my weight to rise uncontrollably.
My wife, Abigail, is the younger sister of my best friend. After the accident, she gave me tremendous care, and we got married. Yet the terrible sense of guilt has remained with me, causing me to overlook the happiness in my present life and dwell constantly on the past. I once owned a company, but after that accident, I lost all interest in running it. A year ago, we sold our house and moved in with Abigail's mother.
I originally thought that when Abigail learned about my walking plan, she'd call me crazy. But in fact, she encouraged me: "Alright, go ahead." Without making too many plans, I checked the map and found a route avoiding highways. I set off on April 10th, planning to reach New York by October. My backpack is already filled with food, water, and a tent, but I still managed to squeeze in two books: one is "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" (a book about travel and life philosophy), and the other is "The Odyssey."
I walk about 15 miles each day, and as I lose weight, I might walk even faster. In Bullhead City, Arizona, I weighed myself and found I was losing about 4 pounds per week. At this pace, I could reach Winslow, Arizona by mid-July, just like the Eagles sang in their song, "standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona, such a fine sight to see."
The journey along Route 66 (a highway running across the United States) was especially tough. I nearly ran out of water, the endless road and loneliness tormented me, and that accident kept haunting my mind like a nightmare. I know it's irrational: sometimes I imagine I'm getting my comeuppance, being hit and killed by a car. Although I know such a thing won't happen, whenever a car passes by me, a thought flashes through my mind: "Here comes my retribution."
That accident made me hate myself and lose confidence. But now I'm trying to free myself and survive. If I don't do this, more misfortune will follow—my family will suffer because of me. Maybe by the age of 50, I'll die from obesity, leaving my children, aged 18 and 13, to endure immense pain in their young hearts. I can't let them lose their father. I must live healthily and be a good dad. When I reach New York, I'll step out from the shadow of 15 years of failure. I'm a determined person; once I make a decision, I'll move forward bravely.