Humorous story

Once, when Cathay Pacific launched its direct flight to San Francisco, USA, they invited us to film a special feature, accompanied by Lydia Lee, Carol Cheng, and Christy Chung. "Is it true that Gu Long died from excessive drinking?" Carol Cheng asked. Mr. Ni Kuang replied, "Well, you could say that. Gu Long and I often drank several bottles of brandy in one night, sometimes so much that we had to get IV drips the next day. But the real reason was this: one time, Gu Long went to drink at Xinghua Pavilion, and a group of gang members asked him to toast their boss. Gu Long refused. As he walked out, a few henchmen stabbed him several times with long, thin knives. He lost so much blood that he was rushed to the hospital. The hospital’s blood bank didn’t have enough supply, so they were forced to buy blood from drug addicts on the street. The blood wasn’t clean, and as a result, he received blood infected with hepatitis."

Previously, my impression of the "poet" profession was: long hair, disliking washing their face or clothes, and being taciturn. But recently, this impression changed. It all started when I was invited to attend a gathering of "folk poets." As I entered the room, I first saw three bald heads. A poet friend I knew was also bald, and enthusiastically introduced them to me: "This is poet So-and-So, poet So-and-So..." After we sat down to eat, two more of their like-minded companions arrived, each entering with a bald head. If it weren't for the hearty dishes and vodka on the table, one might have mistaken this not for a poetry gathering, but for Buddhist disciples exchanging spiritual experiences. I asked, "Why have you all become bald?" They replied, "We don't really know why either. A couple of us shaved first, and everyone thought it was the in-thing within the circle, so we all followed suit."

Question: One day, after having dinner together, you're enjoying a cozy walk by the roadside when you suddenly notice a stray dog scavenging for food beside a garbage pile. What would he do? a. Take the stray dog to an animal shelter b. Come back every day to feed the stray dog c. Not notice the stray dog and walk straight past d. Take the stray dog home to adopt it Answers: a. You hold 50% of his heart. The other 50% is occupied by his friends. He's quite playful and has a wide circle of friends. Compared to spending weekends alone with you, he'd rather bring you out to hang out with his group of friends, so you rarely get the intimate one-on-one time you desire.

At the end of the first month after Deng Feike took over our branch, I prepared the payroll and took it to him for his signature. Before I could even return to my seat, the phone rang—it was Deng Feike, asking me to come back to his office. "Please tell me, why are there deductions in the employees' salaries?" "Sir, according to branch regulations, employees are fined for being late to work..." I answered fluently when it came to rules and regulations. His usual smile was unexpectedly gone. He looked serious and said, "The employee handbook has no clause about fines for tardiness, nor does the employment contract."

As the saying goes: "Timing is less important than location, and location is less important than human harmony." But Old Zhang managed to secure all three advantages. Old Zhang opened a restaurant. The timing was perfect—just after the financial crisis, with the economy on the upswing. That was the advantage of timing. His restaurant was located in the busiest commercial district of the city center—an absolutely prime location—and directly across the street stood the financially powerful Finance Bureau. That was the advantage of location. As for human harmony? The director of the Finance Bureau was his old classmate. Right after the restaurant opened, Old Zhang contacted this old friend, asking for some support. With such broad connections, who wouldn't respect his word? Let alone others—even if just their single department visited a few times, it would be more than enough to make Old Zhang rich. But Old Zhang miscalculated. Two months after opening, his old classmate hadn't visited even once!

After three months of training, the market development team returned from Shanghai. They belonged to a new branch, and I was in charge of administrative affairs during the preparatory phase. This was the company's first new office established outside Zhejiang Province, and the preparation process was challenging. Although the German parent company had thorough and efficient plans, and departments collaborated seamlessly, some details were still not properly coordinated: the transportation expenses for the marketing staff could not be reimbursed in a timely manner from headquarters, and the department manager asked me what to do. According to the company's defined authority, the HR manager was not authorized to sign off on expense requests for the marketing department. With no other options, out of a sense of professional responsibility, I used my own money to cover the employees' transportation costs.

A married woman was having an affair, and every time her lover came over, she would lock her 9-year-old son in the closet. One day, when the woman heard a car drive up the driveway, she casually locked her lover in the closet as well. Inside the closet, the little boy said, "It's really dark in here." "Yeah!" the man replied. "Wanna buy a baseball?" the boy asked, picking up a ball at random. "No, thanks," the man answered. "I think you'll want to buy a baseball," the little blackmailer said.

It was the winter of 1941. That year, the fires of World War II raged fiercely. The entire world was bleeding, suffering, groaning, and struggling. That winter was especially cold. December 1941 was a season of freezing temperatures. On the streets of Washington D.C., the American capital, thick layers of snow covered everything, and the icy roads were treacherously slippery. Christmas was approaching, yet there was no sign of holiday cheer; people hurried along, focused only on their destinations. It was late at night. Robert Oppenheimer, the "father of the American atomic bomb," wandered alone through the empty streets. He didn't know where to go or what to do. He didn't want to go home, even though it was warm and his beloved wife was waiting for him. He truly didn't know how to face President Roosevelt. He had exhausted every possible way to explain to the president what an atomic bomb was, what atoms were, what atomic nuclei were, and what nuclear fission was. The great president had zero knowledge of nuclear physics.

When Kaspar's family was taken away, the residents of the entire alley watched them from afar. Chen Amao was tightly held back by his mother, while the bayonets of Japanese soldiers glinted with a cold, pale light in the sun. Kaspar clutched a small bundle, closely following behind his father... 1 In 1935, the moist sea breeze at Shanghai's docks brushed against their faces. The whistle of the steamship made 7-year-old Kaspar feel a sudden fear. He gripped his father's old overcoat, burying his face deep into it—the fabric still carried the sweet, distinctive scent of their small Austrian town. His father straightened Kaspar's hat, lifted him up, and kissed him, telling his son this was where their family would live: "You'll like Shanghai." Holding his son's hand and carrying an old leather suitcase, he stepped onto this unfamiliar land, blending into the crowd of people speaking various dialects. For several weeks, Kaspar remained dispirited. His father, once a history professor, now worked as an English tutor for a wealthy Chinese merchant. His mother opened a small bakery. Kaspar was left to play alone. He dared not leave the rented attic room because a group of dirty Chinese children would always surround him, singing a mocking rhyme: "Little foreigner, can't talk, hired a monk to chant sutras, mumbling and incomprehensible." Each time, the older children knocked Kaspar to the ground, but he never cried. He would struggle to his feet, carefully brush the dirt off his clothes, and slowly walk home. But one rainy day, when they blocked him at the alley entrance again while he was mailing a letter for his mother, Kaspar decided he could endure no more.

One day, I spent the night in an abandoned car. The car had no engine, no steering wheel, no wheels, and no lock—so it was clearly abandoned. Why am I describing all this in such detail? Because a traffic accident happened. At night, I saw an imported car speeding down the highway—a Cherokee Jeep. My broken-down car was parked motionless in a drainage ditch 100 meters from the road, while the Jeep was driving on the highway, which had guardrails on both sides. It should never have caught up with me… but the driver was drunk, so he rear-ended me.